A psychologist's view on adjusting to parenthood

With the arrival of your new baby, it is very normal to feel as though your whole world and identity has been turned upside down. You are now responsible not only for yourself but also for the life of your precious little one. This should never be under-estimated.

I can imagine that doing things like going to the toilet and trying to have a shower have become momentous tasks that take a bit of pre-planning. Things like going for a walk, tidying around the house, going to the shops, visiting family and friends all might be feeling a lot harder. If you have taken a break from work, the swapping of “hats” may also feel like a big adjustment to your identity and daily purpose. Please remember that it is not selfish to be feeling this way and it is very okay and normal.

You may have come across the term “matrescence” during your late night google sessions while baby is awake. Matrescence, references the complex process of not only birthing a baby, but the birthing of you as a mother. Psychology Today likens it to going through a stage like adolescence all over again, and how much this can rock every fibre of your being. The birth of a Mum comes with so many different adjustments in all arenas of life – in regards to your body, emotionally, relationally, identity wise and so on.

Some things that may help you during this transition as a parent;

Finding a support group

This might be through a local Mother’s Group or even in Group Chat Forums for parents. It can be helpful to normalise what you are going through and that you are not alone.

Talking to your partner/extended support network about what you are going through

Let the emotions out and allow them to extend a shoulder for you to cry on. Try to communicate to them what you need and what is most helpful for you. Remember that being a parent is learnt on the job. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and it is only through trial and error that you will find what works best for you.

Try to carve out a few minutes for you

Whether it’s asking a friend or family member to look after your baby while you have an extra long shower, a nap, or go for a walk to clear your head, these small moments can help you ‘reset’ and feel more like yourself.

If you are experiencing ongoing distress, there is no need to try and battle it on your own

Engage with your support network. Speak to your GP or mental health professional.

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