5 things to remember in the early days of parenthood, from a psychologist

1. Don’t compare yourself to others

It’s very easy to slip into the old “comparisonitis” after having a baby. Although it can be useful to see how other people do things with their little one, remember everyone’s situation is incredibly different. What works for you and your baby, is not necessarily going to be the same as your friends, women in your mother’s group, and your extended family members who have children, for example.

Keep reminding yourself that you know your baby best and your intuition is there to guide you, so long as you allow yourself to turn inwards and listen to it. Instead of looking to others to compare, take the parts you like as inspiration to weave into your own parenting style.

A flower does not compete with the flower next to it, it just blooms.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Many parents find it difficult to reach out for help because they assume they should be able to do it all. Resist the temptation to do everything solo – not only can it lead to burnout but can slow your healing after birth.

3. Set boundaries with friends and family

Very often my clients report that they are scared to set boundaries as they don’t want to come across as being rude. Setting boundaries can actually be done in a very healthy and assertive way. People can’t read our minds, so in some cases we may need to gently point out that as much as we love having visitors, we’d appreciate a bit of notice rather than random drop-ins. Or that rather than buying anymore gifts for the baby, we would really love some home-cooked meals for the freezer instead!

4. Anxiety about doing normal tasks is very normal – it will get easier

What were simple tasks prior to having children, such as dropping into the shops for milk and bread, are going to require more energy with a baby. Be kind to yourself and celebrate the small wins (as they are absolutely big wins now)! I still remember my first outing struggling to figure out how to collapse the baby pram so had to throw it into my SUV still upright in the boot! With practice you will get better at it (I promise!), but it’s still important to remember that you are not only putting your seat belt on now, you are making sure your precious cargo is safe and that takes extra time. You will be tending to your baby’s needs while also trying to pull items off of the supermarket shelf. The juggle is real!

5. It isn’t a race – take your time and try to cherish the small things

There are going to be many milestones that your little one goes through. As will you as a parent! Parenting can be a great gateway into what is called “mindfulness practice”. There are many invitations to be present with your baby, while also many distractions inviting you to be elsewhere. Try to think of the big picture - while there may be chores that need doing, you’ll most likely feel better in the long run spending this time playing with your child for a little longer. Remember the mantra – “this too shall pass”. It is fitting for those times when you feel overwhelmed, but also reminds us that it’s important to treasure the precious moments as well.

Read next: Adjusting to the new role as a parent

If you are experiencing anxiety and overwhelm, seek support

Don’t be afraid to speak up if you need support, often the sooner you get support the better you’ll feel.

Speaking to your GP or mental health professional is a good place to start. There are also groups such as PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) who provide support to parents and families during pregnancy and in the first year of parenthood who can help.